Suggesting that disruption/dissolution is anything less, only places blame on the child. And let me be very clear to anyone reading this and considering the stories of “kids too out of control” or “dangerous.” It is not the child’s fault or decision to be “re-homed” or placed into the world of adoption to begin with. Why should a child trust an adult after multiple placements? Who gave an adult the right to claim instant obedience, gratefulness and attachment over any other human being, let alone one who has experienced the trauma of abandonment, institutionalization, abuse and neglect? When unrealistic expectations (usually connected to a parent’s motivation to adopt) and fantasies overshadow the needs of the child without professional help and intervention, things will start to go bad.
Given recent events in the rehoming section of adoptionland - is 35 days a record? -we might add to the above, that attempting to impose beliefs, moral code and attitudes to the receiving country which eliminate the older adoptee's feelings and loyalties to the motherland are unrealistic, ignorant and reflect a very poor home study with an outcome which might have been predicted by the skilled worker! Crying foul and insisting on a policy of no criticism by AP's in this situation is not taking responsibility for the part played by lack of understanding, realistic goals and a genuine knowledge of teens and adoption. Not all are suitable adopters, despite what many adoption ministries might promote and faith and love are not enough for adoption which provides for the needs of adoptees in the best and most appropriate way possible. Adoption is not suitable for all who become adoptees and often has the appearance of an institution clearing solution or a money making process. Where is the concern for 'ophans' in that?
Just the word "rehoming" is repugnant... APs use it to make themselves feel better (since "disruption" has such negative connotations) and BLATANTLY admit to doing so on their PUBLIC blogs:
ReplyDeletehttp://noknots.blogspot.com/2011/10/story-you-have-been-waiting-for.html?m=1
Every so often when someone tries to do the right thing (such as writing to SDA Ukraine adoption department to advise them that a SPECIFIC AP that had adopted the previous year was CURRENTLY disrupting that adoption and was therefore probably not the best of all candidates to adopt YET ANOTHER kid), APs tend to take to their PUBLIC blogs and rant about how hard done by THEY (the AP!!!!!) were by said disruption, NOT the adoptee:
http://lovinglenablogspot.blogspot.com/2011/07/final-outcome.html
this and especially your previous post... ,moved me.. powerful stuff von
ReplyDeletedo you ever burn yourself out a little psychologically speaking with all of this?
Thank you John and for your kindness and concern.The real world of adoption has more powerful stories than I'll ever be able to tell in a lifetime.
ReplyDeleteNo I don't burn out, I was lucky enough to be a professional worker with people all my working life and learned how to look after myself early on.The trick is to retain compassion and empathy but not go into meltdown. I have a wonderful lifestyle in a beautiful place with 12.5 acres of land around me full of wild birds and animals.I have a great family an exceptional community to live in and am nourished by the very best of food and wine!!I try to keep my perspective and know when to take breaks. Some of these posts are scheduled, so I get time out to sit in cafes drinking Chai Latte and eating chocolate macaroons, indulging my love of photography or having outings to wonderful events and places.I'm an exceptionally lucky person and I give thanks daily for having reached Stage 5 in the adoption journey.Thanks for being here, I really value the non-adoptees take.
Yes. They blog about how hard it is for THEM, and want sympathy. While the situation may have been difficult, they signed up to be parents, and parenting is for a lifetime. It all sickens me, their self-pity.
ReplyDelete